I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
