What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
