The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
