This is not my ceiling
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
