God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
