apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
