if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
