She is in my trunk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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