I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
