The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
