Just took my morning after pill in the library
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
