You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
