reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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