I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
