There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
