pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think my vagina is haunted
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
