OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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