Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
