God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
