its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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