help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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