i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Drunk is not a location!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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