u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i would punch a child for taco bell
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
