There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
