So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
