I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
