if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
