I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
