No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
