Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
