I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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