In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
