Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
