omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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