Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
