break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
