You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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