i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
