how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my poor anus
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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