I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
