I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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