There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
