she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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