I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm having to shit out rocks
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