I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
