Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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