I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
