He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I could fuck to npr.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
