i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
