I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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