Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
