i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I would ride that face into the sunset
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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