Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
