I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Are we still banned from the library?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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