Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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