Betty ford says i'm here all night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
